It was many moons ago that Rachel Sa challenged me to post a tasting note on a not-so Simpsons inspired D’Oh wine. Imagine my delight to find her column re-appear on a sunny Sunday in the form of a spiritual ode and lament to the never to be inhaled again Hostess Twinkie.
No prompting needed this time around. Even the most serious and dedicated wine geek has a soft spot, whether they admit it or not, for packaged sweets. If Twinkies are on the verge of extinction, do they not deserve a proper toast? The issue is that the iconic sponge cake with the synthetic cream filling is a tough pairing for the fermented grape, as are other sugary snacks. Dessert wines do not work. The sugars compound and the cloying factor flies off the charts. Cake, sugar and laboratory invention is a difficult match to dry, savoury and tannic substances.
Look for wines that hint at sacchariferous behaviour but are actually of a dry table sensibility. White blends and Rosés first come to mind but some fresh and fruity reds will also do the trick. And I would be dissing 82 years of snack service were I not to include some bubbles for the Twinkieapocalypse. Here are four current releases to wash down the last of the great Twinkies.
The grapes: Riesling, Gewürztraminer, and Chardonnay Musqué
The history: The aromatic white blend is becoming a signature Niagara wine style
The lowdown: Nobody does it cheaper or more effectively than wizard winemaker and potions master Richie Roberts
The food match: What else? The endangered Hostess Twinkie
Fielding Fireside White 2011 (303040, $13.95) will lead you to dance a firelight waltz. The pale, seemingly sweet nectar aromatically reminds me of fun and fizzy Moscato D’Asti. Gorgeous and grapey as if fountaining through the press, tropical blossoms blooming. Like the snack itself, the blend is “a tune from your childhood and a soft yellow moon,” even if it’s waning. 87
The Grapes: Gamay and Cabernet Franc
The history: Pink discrimination is a thing of the past
The lowdown: Ontario Rosé is extremely versatile so why not pair it with packaged confection or match it as a sweet and savoury apéritif
The food match: Strawberry and Fior Di Latte Bruschetta
Featherstone Rosé 2011 (117861, $14.95) stops just short of day-glo in a pastel, strawberry hue. The ever-bearing, mild candy fruit gives way to a salty, savoury middle and finishes with subtle yet pungent pink grapefruit. Vastly improved pinky. 88
The grape: Cabernet Franc
The history: The Saumur-Champigny appellation was created in 1957
The lowdown: Though Cab Franc has been cultivated for centuries in the area, this is the modern Loire in action
The food match: Hush Puppy Hot Lips Pocketbook Rolls
Domaine Langlois-Château Saumur-Champigny 2010 (7179, $17.95) is cracker correct Cabernet Franc befitting the appellation’s modern directive. A pepper electric, beet red, currant current runs through it, like a rolling river of stones. Sweet and sour hot lips, cinnamon spicy and playing a lick in open G. Rock ‘n roll Cabernet Franc. 88
The Splurge
The grapes: Chardonnay and Pinot Noir
The history: Classic 50/50 blend from an outfit that dates back to 1811 and makes a boatload of fizz
The lowdown: Excellent quality in under $50 Brut
The food match: French Fries, followed by Twinkies
Charles De Cazanove 1er Cru Brut Champagne (299750, $43.95) shows off a very distinct ripe, golden delicious apple aroma and a white grapefruit twang. The pettilement, subliminal tinkling of bubbles comes from a persistent, fine mousse. Toasty seltzer, dry and dusty with just a hint of poutine. A charmer and potential lady killer. 90
Good to go!